I was recently looking at some of my old pictures. Things I had drawn when I was in a weekly VTM campaign, and when time was quite abundant. At the time I hadn't thought my drawing any good, I didn't believe I had a style nor that my images were done well enough. I was far from professional. Looking at them now, some seven or so years later I can definitely see where technical issues with anatomy and placement are, but the spark I'd had has astonished me.
Over the years a combination of school, life, self doubt, and depression has caused me to lose that spark in my work. I don't know what I want anymore, I don't know how to draw with that life and inspiration anymore. And worst of all, I've allowed my skills to rust.
Its a learning opportunity, to see what I had done and realize I could only dream of that level of self confidence again. A lesson not to allow self doubt and depression to win out. A lesson to forge ahead when all seems bleak. I'd allowd life, others, and myself to hinder something I loved doing. I've grown rusty, dejected, and my passion is strained.
But all is not lost, slowly, over these last two years I have found myself in a place of peace, of acceptance and partnership. I have finally begun to build back the world I lost. One story at a time. One life change at a time. One little spark of passion at a time.
It is a lesson that life might kick you down, and sometimes it takes time to heal the broken bones, but if you keep getting up, eventually you can attain what you need.
Keep fighting. Keep going without the motivation. The end is worth it.
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